Michael McLeod has guidance for parents of kids who are addicted to social media, video games, and screens in general
So your kids are addicted to their screens? You’re not alone. And Michael McLeod has some tips and advice for us parents before we throw the iPad in the disposal and take an axe to the Playstation. (That actually sounds pretty fun. Just me?)
“In all my years of doing this since 2016, I have never worked with a single family that eliminated screens or significantly decreased screens and went on to regret it. Every single one of them saw a brand new child who slept better, ate better, conversed better, socialized better, did better at school,” says Michael McLeod, executive function specialist at GrowNow ADHD.
Check out his AMAZING interview with the Screen Less Play More podcast here:
How do I get my child off screens?
In the Screen Less Play More podcast, Michael advises parents, “If you have a child who is super addicted and dysregulated every day, I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to do something about it. You’re gonna have to be the bad guy.”
“The number one thing that we try to tell parents to do is to find some help. Whether it’s an aunt, an uncle, a neighbor, a social worker, someone, bring someone into the house. The child is far less likely to have really bad behaviors when you remove screens from their life if there’s a neutral third party present. Someone who’s not mom and not dad, one of those unconditional love relationships. If there’s someone neutral there that’s not a member of the family, chances are they will stay more calm.”
“They’re gonna be pissed and there’s nothing you can do about it because they’re withdrawing from a drug and it is temporary.“
If your kids are addicted to screens, the problem won’t go away on its own. You need to act. But what do you replace screens with?
Kids need executive function, not screens
Michael tells Screen Less Play More, “executive functions are the greatest predictor of success for human beings, not IQ. Not athletic ability, not grades, not what college you went to, none of that. It is executive functioning skills that help you to move out of your parents’ house, get a house, pay the bills, live independently, get a job, keep a job, make friends, keep friends. That’s executive functioning, period. And executive functions are developed and strengthened through relationships and experiences.”
What is executive function?
Michael tells Screen Less Play More that “executive functioning skills are basically like the air traffic controller of the brain. There’s four pillars of executive functioning. There’s self-regulation of emotions, language, body, behavior. Self-motivation towards non-preferred, non-instantly gratifying tasks. Self-evaluation, the ability to learn from the past and not repeat mistakes. And self-awareness, the ability to recognize, ‘hey, I have an effect on myself and I have an effect on others. So when I do certain things, say certain things, it could negatively impact me and it can negatively impact others and the people around me. I have control over my environment.'”
How to gain executive function (hint: it’s not with screens)
It’s incredibly difficult to practice executive function when you’re a kid addicted to screens.
Michael McLeod tells us, “executive functions are developed and strengthened through relationships and experiences…..So it’s having real face-to-face, constant play in social interactions. Not texting, not Snapchatting, not playing Minecraft with someone. Those are not social experiences, period.”
“So many parents out there have convinced themselves, ‘my son will FaceTime, he’ll Discord, he’ll talk to his friends while he’s playing online games.’ That is not a social experience, period. I’m sorry, end of story. You have to accept that.”
Kids need to screen less and play more!
“So the whole point of childhood is to play, play, play, explore, explore, explore. And before screens came into our lives, TV was the only screen in the house and kids would still go outside, ride bikes, skateboard, go to the park, play basketball, play manhunt, play hide and seek, and go to the mall and do things….. It’s all about varied experiences and experiencing life and doing new things,” says Michael.
“But when you bring a phone or a screen into a child’s life, they don’t want to do varied experiences. They only want to do phone-based things. And that’s the problem.”
What if my kids get bored?
What should you do when your kid says “I’m bored?”
Ignore them!
Or say, “it’s ok to be bored,” and let them figure it out.
Michael McLeod tells us, “If they come to you and say, I’m bored, then chances are you’re doing something right as a parent. Because you are limiting tech and your house does not look like a casino or an arcade. You’re doing a great job there, and you’re providing boredom for your child. It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give them.”
Kids who are addicted to screens think real life is boring because they’re used to the dopamine rush of video games and social media. But the brain is a muscle, and if you let your kids practice boredom, they will soon find healthy activities to replace their old screen addiction.
Kids of the tech elite don’t do screens
Michael points out, “You look at the childhood of Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, all these geniuses in the tech field, many of them had authoritative parents with varied experiences who held them accountable with boundaries. And they had really minimal screens in their childhood. And there’s a reason why these tech titans who are creating these addictive technology don’t give it to their kids. And they send their kids to screen-free schools. So they know something we don’t. Actually, in reality, we do know it. We just don’t accept it because that involves us having to hurt our kids’ feelings.”
If my kids don’t have screens now, won’t they binge in college?
Nope!
Michael tells Screen Less Play More Podcast, “If you send a child off to college who had a phone in his life and the phone became the center of his life, it’s going to continue to be the center of his life in college.”
“But if you send an 18-year-old off to college who wasn’t given a phone until maybe junior or senior year of high school and parents significantly limited screens…and you send them off to college, that child has a brain that is stimulated by music and art and socializing and exercising and podcasts and sports and doing all these great, healthy, positive things. So they have a brain that is stimulated by 10, 15, 20 different things. When they finally get a phone, it’s not so tempting to them anymore because their brain likes other things.”
“If you send an 18 year old to college with his phone, when that phone was the center of their childhood for 18 years, there’s no chance of them learning to do other things because that phone is their only level of interest.”
Hear more of Michael’s amazing insights in the Screen Less Play More podcast! If your kids are addicted to screens, or even if they use them more than you would like, Michael has your answers!
Learn more about Michael’s work at GrowNOW ADHD.
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