5 Must-Read Books About Screen Time, Social Media, and the Mental Health of Kids and Teens
Your son just attacked you like a rabid werewolf when you asked him to turn off “Minecraft.” Yup, I’ve been there. Here are the books that are ready to help.
These are my picks for 5 best parenting books about screen time. (More to come as I make my way through a large stack!) Each book has a different take, but they all have great info and advice on how we all got here, and how to get back to a balanced life without screen addiction or tantrums.
Better Than Real Life: How Silicon Valley’s Secret Science of Persuasive Design Is Stealing Childhood by Richard Freed, PhD
A must-read about kids and screens
Screen Time addiction isn’t your fault – it’s the secret of “persuasive design”
Dr. Richard Freed is letting us in on a little secret. Actually, it’s an enormous secret. Today’s screen time is not the same as your Saturday morning cartoons. Silicon valley is intentionally hacking your psychology (and that of your children) to make screens addictive. “It’s time to stop pretending that it’s a mystery why this generation of children is leaving behind spending time with family, playing outside, engaging in school-related tasks, and a host of other health-giving real-world activities. Hidden forces are at work,” says Freed. “This is by design.”
In the mid-1990s, there was an entire class at Stanford University, alma mater to most of the tech titans, that taught how digital devices and apps could use behavioral psychology to alter human behavior. A.k.a, turning your child’s phone or iPad into a slot machine. This class is “now colloquially referred to as the ‘Facebook class.'” Dr. Freed writes, “Where did Fogg’s deciples go after the class was over? Many entered Silicon Valley industry, applied his methods, and cashed in.”
Why digital machines are so effective at altering human behavior
Richard Freed explains in “Better Than Real Life” that digital devices have powerful advantages over human persuaders (such as salespeople and old fashioned TV ads) for a few important reasons.
- Digital technologies never give up
- Devices follow us everywhere
- Machines have the advantage of scale
- Stealth : most adults, let alone humans understand the concealed intent behind social media or video games.
Why are children especially vulnerable to technology?
Freed’s book emphasizes that kids are especially susceptible to these techniques because their cognitive control systems—the parts of the brain responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and judgment—are not fully developed. Tech companies understand this and use it to their advantage. Freed argues that what’s being stolen is not just children’s time, but their potential, their creativity, and their ability to engage meaningfully in the real world.
The role of Big Tech and psychologists
Perhaps one of the most disturbing revelations in the book is how some psychologists and behavioral scientists are complicit in designing these technologies. Freed, a psychologist himself, expresses concern that professionals who should be protecting mental health are instead selling their expertise to industries that profit from its erosion.
In Better Than Real Life, Dr. Richard Freed is critical of the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP)—particularly for how it has weakened its stance on children’s screen use over time. Freed argues that this shift has played into the hands of the tech industry and has undermined the protection of children against the psychological and developmental harms of excessive digital exposure.
Freed praises the AAP’s earlier, more cautious guidelines, such as its 2011 policy, which recommended:
- No screen time for children under two years old.
- Limiting screen use for older children and teens to no more than two hours per day of high-quality content.
These guidelines were based on growing evidence about how screen use affects sleep, attention, language development, and mental health. HOWEVER, Freed explains how the AAP softened its screen time recommendations in 2016, and he strongly implies that this shift was influenced by Silicon Valley and its interests in educational technology and media.
Big tech has corrupted trusted organizations
Instead of focusing on specific time limits, the updated AAP guidelines encouraged a “family media plan” approach that emphasized balance and parental discretion, but no longer imposed clear limits for older children.
Freed is critical of this change, arguing that:
- The AAP shifted responsibility entirely to parents while ignoring the manipulative design of tech platforms.
- It offered cover to tech companies, allowing them to frame their products as beneficial or “educational” without real scrutiny.
- It marked a retreat from advocacy at a time when children were becoming increasingly vulnerable to digital addiction.
He also discusses how the financial incentives for tech companies are enormous. The longer children stay engaged with a platform, the more data they generate and the more advertisements they view—making kids a highly valuable resource in the attention economy.
There is soooooo much more amazing information in this book that I can’t lay out here. It explains why parental controls are not enough, and gives us a framework for how we can resist!
But please read for yourself! “Better than Real Life” is a compelling exposé on how tech companies employ psychological tactics to captivate children’s attention, leading them away from essential real-world experiences.
Buy your copy here!
“For the Sake of Our Youth: A Therapist’s Perspective on Raising Your Family in Today’s Culture” by Tessa Stuckey
One of the best books about parenting and screen time I have read
In her practice, Tessa started recognizing a trend about 6 years ago. “Kids would come to me with typical life stressors, mom got mad at them, they didn’t empty their dishwasher, or they made a C on a chemistry exam. Typical life stressors. But their go-to answer was always a dark, dark thought, whether that be self-harm or suicidal thinking.” Tessa started investigating and found that “every single one of them had issues that were rooted back to an overuse of unhealthy screens or social media.“
Tessa writes in her book about the 6 cultural influences that she believes are driving this trend. I know this all may sound vague, but honestly, this is one of the best books about parenting and screen time I have ever read. The information is so smart, the style is easy to comprehend, and the advice is outstanding! She doesn’t just tell us what the problem is, she tells us how to solve it! (I got my copy on amazon.)
Tessa explains that suicide is becoming glorified in pop culture, and especially on social media, which is yet another reason to keep young kids off the internet! Very importantly, Tessa points out that the world has become one of immediate gratification, and kids are turning to unhealthy quick-fixes. Tessa says, “I realized that this was a true societal cultural issue that was almost encouraging our kids to live in a world where if they can’t have an instant fix, then they shouldn’t learn how to truly self-regulate.”
Kids need to have an arsenal of coping mechanisms, a tolerance for boredom, and an attractive life off of screens. Kids will want to get off of social media if they have a fun alternative and a way to connect in-real-life with parents and friends! Family connection is a major way to insulate kids from suicide and dark thoughts.
Tessa went through each of her 6 solutions on our The Screen Less Play More Podcast, which you can listen to here:
How To Break Up With Your Phone by Catherine Price
Excellent how-to book on reducing screen time
Catherine Price’s book “How To Break Up With Your Phone” is a concise, and very easy to follow guide on improving your relationship with screen time. Catherine’s explains that you don’t have to ditch your phone entirely, but you should take control of it—rather than letting it control you. The goal is to build a healthier, more intentional relationship with your device.
“How To Break Up With Your Phone” comes in two parts.
Part I: The Wake-Up
This section explains why we should reconsider our phone use.
- Phones are designed to be addictive: Apps and social media platforms use psychological tricks (like dopamine feedback loops) to keep us hooked.
- Impact on mental health: Excessive phone use is linked to anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and reduced attention spans.
- Effect on relationships and productivity: Phones often distract us from real-life interactions and deep, meaningful work.
- The illusion of multitasking: Constant notifications fragment our attention and hinder focus.
Part II: The Break-Up
This part offers a 30-day plan to change your habits and regain control over your phone use.
Key Strategies:
- Track your usage: Become aware of how and when you use your phone.
- Change your environment: Turn off non-essential notifications, keep the phone out of reach, especially in the bedroom.
- Create no-phone zones: Designate areas or times where phones are off-limits (e.g., meals, mornings, evenings).
- Replace screen time with meaningful activities: Reconnect with hobbies, people, and downtime.
- Use apps intentionally: Reframe your phone as a tool instead of a source of endless entertainment.
- Mindfulness and reflection: Incorporate mindful practices to stay present and better understand your relationship with your phone.
Author Catherine Price has also teamed-up with Jonathan Haid to write a kids version of “The Anxious Generation.” Learn all about upcoming “The Amazing Generation” here!
The Opt-Out Family by Erin Loechner
One of the best parenting books about screen time!
“While you’re watching TikTok, it’s watching you,” Erin explains to us in “The Opt Out Family: How to Give Your Kids What Technology Can’t.”
“Through the camera on your phone, TikTok can detect changes in your face as you react to each and every video you watch. What makes you smile? What makes you laugh? What raises your eyebrows? And for how long? TikTok studies that information to determine what you’ll like next- and better.” Erin continues, “Imagine: you’re a teenage girl watching a typical TikTok dance challenge. But through biometrics, the app registers that your eyes are distracted by the flat belly of one of the dancers, her toned thighs. In the next video, you’re zeroing in on someone’s triceps, and your heart beats faster. The next video? An influencer in an undisclosed ad for a three-day detox cleanse and workout ebook to guarantee ‘you’ll look amazing for your next Tik Tok.’ Just $199. Click. Add to cart.”
Erin’s book is full of these riveting revelations about how social media titans are using every tool at their disposal to manipulate and addict us. Drawing from her personal journey as a former social media influencer, Erin Loechner offers a roadmap to foster deeper connections and a more intentional family life. She explains many, many ways that our families can “become more engaging than the algorithm.” She has very specific examples of screen-free activities to do with your kids, and methods to turn your family’s attention away from screens and back to real life.
Erin shares so much of her amazing advice on The Screen Less Play More Podcast. Listen below!
Last but not least, “The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt
By far the most popular parenting book about screen time
If you’ve been too busy stepping on Legos and driving to piano lessons, here’s your quick summary of the best book about screen time, youth, and social media!
“The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt argues that the play-based childhood of our youth has been replaced with the phone-based childhood of now, and it’s not good. No bueno. Negatory, good buddy.
But there’s hope!
In Jonathan Haidt’s book, he explains “How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.” Haidt puts forth 4 things we can all do to get our children back (and get them some bonna fide childhoods instead of the hot garbage they’re living on TicTok.)
What are the 4 rules of The Anxious Generation ?
- No smartphones before high school.
- No social media before 16.
- Phone-free schools.
- Far more unsupervised play and childhood independence.
Haidt suggests that our kids need “physical play, outdoors and with other children of mixed ages.” In other words, take your kids to the park and let them play tag with the other kids who are already there. Let your kids have a play date in your backyard without constantly telling them what to do.
“When parents, teachers, and coaches get involved, it becomes less free, less playful, and less beneficial. Adults usually can’t stop themselves from directing and protecting.” (So do yourself a favor; read a book on the porch and they will completely forget you are there until they need a band-aid.)
Unfortunately, a lot of parents think that by keeping their kids inside, they’re keeping them safe from child predators. But, “sex criminals nowadays spend most of their time in the virtual world because the internet makes it so much easier to communicate with children and to find and circulate sexual and violent videos involving children.”
Aside from access to child predators, Haidt argues that a phone-based childhood presents four foundational harms:
- Social deprivation
- Sleep deprivation
- Attention fragmentation
- Addiction
I have a much more extensive review of “The Anxious Generation” that you can read here!
More amazing books:
The Amazing Generation by Jonathan Haidt and Catherine Price – read all about it here!
Kids books that promote imagination and play
“Hunt, Gather, Parent” is the only parenting book you’ll ever need.
